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Monday, September 7, 2009

A Personal Revelation

Today a BIG lightbulb went off in my head. The Light was so bright that this morning I couldn't explain fast enough what I have learned to Chris. In some ways, I knew what I'm about to explain. But now I KNOW it and want to record this blessing that occurred today. Finally I have a name for what I've been feeling and experiencing all my life.

I had just begun my 4th Sylvia Browne book, "Phenomenon ~ Everything You Need To Know About The Paranormal." This book is set up encyclopedia-style, with terms and their accompanying explanations laid out in alphabetic order.

OK, I admit it... first I skipped ahead to clairvoyance, already knowing I am clairvoyant. All sounded good and explained this gift well, as would be expected from any of Sylvia's excellent books.

Then I read Sylvia's description of clairsentience. Sylvia begins, "Clairsentience is the ability to receive a silent thought, message or projected emotion, from nearby or from other dimensions, and experience it as an actual physical and emotional sensation." She continues, "...clairsentience is essentially empathy in hyperdrive..." THAT IS ME.

Now I already figured out that I'm an animal empath (see the past post, On Being An Animal Empath) but what I've not clearly admitted on The Spiritual Spider, nor totally to myself until now is that I am an EMPATH of the first degree...in hyperdrive, as Sylvia says. I always thought that everyone felt other people's emotions, pain, feelings, you-name-it, in the way I did. I can point to the place or places in my body where I physically feel other people's "stuff" before it happens, when it happens, and after it happens. I have just recently begun finally showing Chris this phenomenon by pointing to the places on my body when I'm "hit." Prior to this, I usually never showed anyone where I felt what I felt.

But what did happen over my lifetime is that I had been struck with migraines and severe stomach pains. When? Here's an example: I could generally count on finding myself really ill the evening of my first day of teaching a three-day beginning spinning course. Why? Because on the first day of a "three-day blitz" course, I absorbed all the anxiety and yes, sometimes even anger (the ol' hang the teacher syndrome), that the newbies felt when they either couldn't "get it" or were worried they couldn't get it. I absorbed their pain...everyone's pain. And where did it lead me? Throwing up all night in the bathroom.

I have never equated being clairsentient with the fact that I get sick from absorbing other people's energy...until now.

And pain isn't all I absorb. I take in the excitement of the moment...unfortunately ALL the excitement. For example, just as I got sick after the first day of teaching a class, I also got sick after the first day (or in some cases, the only day) of being on vacation, doing anything fun...heck, even taking a workshop myself. I could name oodles of times when this happened.

Clairsentience is a gift. It's a gift that helps me give a psychic Tarot reading. It's a gift that helps me "read" a person or a situation, which at its best can be very helpful. But now that I know my gift has a name I can't allow it to rob days and nights of my life anymore. I must learn how to use this gift safely and effectively. But Sylvia writes that clairsentience is, "...a total surrender of objectivity, and those who practice it can easily become drained and overexposed, not to mention ill or deeply depressed." What to do?

Sylvia says, "Probably more than any other psychic gift, clairsentience requires an enormous amount of discipline and every TOOL OF PROTECTION in the arsenal. Thankfully "Tools of Protection" are one of the terms explained in her book. Time for study and action...

Geez, I picked this book up from the library, but I think I better check on Amazon what it costs to get myself a personal copy. Looks like I'm going to need to continue referring to it, eh?

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