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Monday, November 30, 2009

Receiving

Now I'll admit that I like getting presents on my birthday and Christmas. And I love it when Chris surprises me with one, red rose now and again (he states they must be red, for passion...despite me dropping the hint that I rather like yellow and pink, too...). But anything beyond this receiving, especially from anyone other than Chris, often makes me uncomfortable. Even more so if the gift is extravagant or, oddly enough, something I really, really want. I find myself having to take a deep breath to be a good receiver. I find myself having to "go outside of myself" to accept someone's generosity. I have to give myself "a good talkin' to" to receive. I even find myself with this weird "guilt" feeling when someone gives me a gift. Could it be ingrained Catholic guilt we raised-Catholics often kid about? Could it be that I always expect strings to be attached to any gift given to me? Could it be I feel down deep I don't deserve such a gift?

I don't know all the psychological ins and outs of why it's hard for me to be a good receiver. I know I get extreme joy in giving presents. That's not hard at all. But receiving is a whole 'nother thing.

In the past post, Prayer Shawl, I wrote about knowing I needed to heal at this time in my life. Giving, in the form of the prayer shawl ministry, seemed the perfect ticket. I'm enjoying every stitch I'm putting into my first shawl. But receiving is playing a part in my healing, too.

Very recently I was gifted a spinning wheel that was won in a raffle. I didn't have the winning ticket. One of my friends had put our other friends names on a bunch of tickets, and one of those tickets was the winner. It was decided, between my friends, that I was to be the owner of the new wheel. Now the two criteria that make me uncomfortable to receive were present: 1) The gift was extravagant; 2) This was a wheel I really, really had always wanted. I took a deep breath. I looked guilt square in the face and told it to take a hike. I knew there were no strings attached to this gift because that's the kind of friends I keep. I received.

'course there's nothing to say I can't create yarn to make things to GIVE to others on my new wheel.

Here's an affirmation from Sylvia Browne that I've been reciting for a few months now. At first, it was very difficult to say this particular affirmation, being told whilst growing up that it's always better to give than receive (often said with an inflection that it's even better NOT to receive at all). And let's not forget how that raised-Catholic bit sneaks into the picture to muddle things up, too. Anyways, this is one of the affirmations I've written on paper and taped to my bathroom mirror for daily reciting. It's amazing how much easier it is to confidently vocalize as the days go by. Practice does make perfect.

"On this day I declare with the almighty strength of God's power that I deserve abundance and the financial means to be comfortable, and that I will joyfully use that abundance as a celebration of the law of karma - the more of it I share with the truly needy and deserving, the more of it will come back to me, multiplied by His grace and thanks." ~ Sylvia Browne.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Prayer Shawl

My Aunt Loraine, who recently crossed over, nudged me in a most beautiful way. Prior to Aunt Loraine's funeral, one of her daughters told me of my aunt's last day alive on earth. Hospice, as they had done in the past with my brother Jack, was there to ease Aunt Loraine's transition from this life to the Other Side. In their compassionate way, hospice staff made her as comfortable as possible during her last hours. Aunt Loraine was in a hospital room (she had broken her hip) but the lights were off except for a Tiffany lamp set on a side table. Beautiful music was playing softly in the background. She was covered with a prayer shawl that someone had lovingly made.

When I heard about the prayer shawl that comforted my aunt, I knew immediately that I wanted to take part in the prayer shawl ministry as soon as possible. As a spinner and knitter/crocheter, this was a way I could not only honor my Aunt Loraine, but could soothe many others who needed the warmth, love, and compassion all wrapped up in a handmade prayer shawl.

But there's more to this decision to get involved in such a ministry. If truth be told, I needed healing, too. These last few years have been hard ones on many fronts. Hurt, pain, and sadness have punctuated particularly the last year; not a life/death situation, but difficult nonetheless. For weeks now it's been hard to spin at a wheel for more than 5 minutes at a time. I'd begin spinning and find myself get up and wander away from the wheel, unable to maintain concentration or desire. It was even difficult to make me knit more than a few rows at a time. And forget dyeing. Never in 30 years of practicing the fiber arts had this happened. It was a personal crisis. I'm not surprised that Aunt Loraine was there with one of the answers...give. Look for an upcoming post on another of the answers...receive.

For those also wanting to get involved in the prayer shawl ministry, this site is a good place to start: Prayer Shawl Ministry.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Lesson In The Making

Chris and I decided it was healthy and high-time I find and take a little part-time job somewhere to bring in a taddy bit of needed cash and give myself something other to think about than my BOOK, which did not need to be baby sat by me anymore and whose fate was in the hands of others.

I do not drive so options for such a job were somewhat limited, especially since our free bus service, the Moo-ver, didn't regularly run to Brattleboro (a bigger town where jobs might be found) on weekends. Luckily, we have a dandy general store in the rural town I reside in. Even luckier is the fact that they needed part-time help. Tomorrow I begin my training. I can walk to and from work. I can't wait. Woo-hoo!

Now there is one catch. I'm an animal empath. It's hunting season. Folks come to the store to weigh their deer, bear, turkeys, etc. and record the date killed and the weights with the state. When I could afford it, I used to set feed out FOR undoubtedly these very same turkeys. Interestingly, I'm not worried too much and know this is a lesson for me in the making. After all, I eat neatly disguised and packaged turkey and chicken myself. Hunting IS, for better or worse. It involves killing animals. Hopefully the hunter who takes the animal's life will honor and eat the animal and/or use the hide or parts, but the bottom line is that I am not responsible for that hunter's motives. It's not for me to judge. I can and will say prayers over any of these animals I encounter. I can honor the animals.

Any thoughts you have that could help me would be most appreciated. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

More Revelation...The Hard Way

On 9/7/09 I wrote the post, A Personal Revelation. Finally having a name...clairsentience... for what I've been experiencing during my lifetime is amazing, generally comforting (at least there's a reason for what's going on), and occasionally somewhat scary/exhilarating in a "what's next?" kind of way. This past weekend has opened my eyes (and Chris' eyes) even further along the psychic line. For one thing, it's clear that I'm going to need MUCH further help in creating protection, health and balance when I'm in situations where emotions are running high...like at funerals.

Having just come back from Minnesota, spent in celebration of my beloved Aunt Loraine's life, I can say the experience was one I shall never forget. It was incredible meeting again and spending time with our large extended family, mostly in this case folks from my Ma's side. Thankfully, what the family didn't know at the time was that as the hours went by in their presence, I was absorbing MORE and MORE of their emotions, some of which included intense grief, sadness, regret...or the beautiful flip-side including joy, happiness, love, you-name-it. That's what this clairsentient does really well ~ absorb. Not on purpose, mind you. Not because I want or need to. It's simply (or complexly?) something that I've always done (and always happens) in varying degrees, especially when I'm surrounded by concentrated emotions, AND MOST ESPECIALLY WHEN THOSE EMOTIONS ARE COMING FROM FOLKS I CARE ABOUT (be they family, friends, students, co-workers, etc.). But it's important to note again that until recently, I didn't know that what I am...what I did...what I have...had a name. I'm clairsentient. If I had written down all the examples of how this "trait" manifested itself over the years, I'd have a book full of true stories. Maybe someday I will fill such a book, hopefully along with truly useful tips to cope with the oft-misunderstood psychic gift of clairsentience. It's my goal to celebrate my psychic gifts positively, not find myself in the hospital with symptoms of absorption-overload! Us clairsentients need all the help we can get!

Believe me, I tried to protect myself this past weekend, using many of the tools of protection I've learned from the writings of various favorite authors, and then some (See Protection). Each day I grounded and centered. I meditated, albeit briefly. Each day I prayed for help. But the emotions I was surrounded by were too strong and fever-pitched for me to ward off. I became more off-balanced by the minute. Chris removed me from the situations each evening when he saw the color drained from my face and looking as though I was ready to drop. New to the scenario was that I even developed hives on my back (how attractive...not) that gratefully disappeared by morning. Thankfully, I don't believe any relatives were the wiser about what was happening to me. But as per usual, my joy at being with my family and/or friends was cut short because I had nothing left. All personal energy reserves were gone. I had sucked up some of my family's hard-core emotions without being asked to do so. Chris said he thought that I even "produced" emotions for those I was around if somewhere down deep I felt a need to do so...geez, how weird is that?!!! I looked like I was ready for my own death-bed by the time we got back to the hotel each evening. The next day, after a morning shower and a bit of make-up, no one guessed what had happened. But Chris and I knew.

On the flight back from MN, Chris suggested I look further on the internet for groups or organizations dealing with clairsentience. Yesterday, I found this: The Clairsentient Body. Chris and I were flabbergasted when we read the "symptoms" on this site and noted that most, if not all, applied to me. Today, Chris suggested I write the author of the site, which I will do soon.

I also found a few other blogs and sites dealing, sometimes briefly, with clairsentience. Some of these sites didn't appear to be as well-defined nor accurate as one would hope. It's clear that research and deep delving are going to be necessary to get the full picture of this psychic gift. It's clear that Chris and I have a journey ahead to understand clairsentience.

The author of The Clairsentient Body writes, "However, to feel, as in clairsentience, requires recognition, acceptance, and it takes commitment to learn the skills to manage the energy.

But wait, there's more to relate. When I was sick in bed each evening in MN, clairvoyant "movies" played out, showing people I had never seen before. I wondered if these people were from the past or for the future? What made me over-the-top nauseous was when the movies started to go faster. I said telepathically, "Stop," and they did. The movies made me think about how I was beginning to see all sorts of singular portraits of folks I didn't know at various times of the day over the previous weeks. It's as if I'm trying to be reached by crossed over people, but there doesn't seem to be rhyme nor reason to it all yet. Friend, Jenna, has suggested I keep a notebook with me at all times to record what these people look like. I can then refer to them if need be or at the very least, get them out of my head and onto paper!

Yesterday, I was alone in our foyer about to take a book out of a tote bag. Instead, as I grabbed for the book, a remembrance leaflet about Aunt Loraine popped out higher than the book I wanted. I picked the leaflet up and began reading. As I did so, a physical loving touch on my back caused me to swing around, because I thought Chris had teasingly crept up behind me. Chris was not there. I didn't see any form but I KNEW it was Aunt Loraine and burst out crying from the emotion of it. I thanked her for continuing to honor our "pact" of sending me clear signs once she crossed over.

Today, I was resting on our futon couch while Chris was in his music studio, practicing for this evening's gig. I heard LOUDLY, "Jeannine!". Clairaudience, loud and clear. It could have been either my Ma or Aunt Loraine, given the cadence in the voice. I called out to Chris, "Did you hear that?" He said, "What? No." I told him that the psychic door was swinging open wider...here we go...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

In Memoriam To Aunt Loraine

A few days ago the most...and I mean the most...incredible woman I have EVER known crossed over. This woman just happened to be my Aunt Loraine. She was 97 years young. We weren't related directly by blood, as she was the wife of one of my Ma's brothers, but we were thankfully, inextricably tied nonetheless. She was a second mother to me and always was available with a loving, listening, ear and encouraging advice. The thing is, she connected deeply with MANY people and each of us were special to her in our own right. Us Loraine-Loved-Folks would be doing ourselves a disservice if we were jealous of this...she had enough love for us all! I can only imagine the HUGE crowd of folks, myself included, who will be present during the visitation at the funeral home and at the memorial service at Aunt Loraine's church. She's undeniably touched the hearts and souls of countless people. And the thing is, she demonstrated time and again that she never forgot a single one of us, our connection to her, and our connection to each other. If I had half the memory and brain-power that Aunt Loraine had in her 90s, I'd be doing really good. If we all had a portion of the love that Aunt Loraine gave to others, the world would be a better place.

I've been suffering from a low-grade headache over the last several days. I attributed it to flu, but friend, Jenna, suggested it may be more metaphysical and connected to Aunt Loraine's crossing. Since I'm clairsentient, there is a good chance I'm picking up vibes from a lot of sources, all trying to get through to me. Jenna thought it would be a good idea if I wrote down experiences/thoughts I have had with Aunt Loraine, focusing in, and releasing bottled up emotions. Here goes...

Aunt Loraine lived her life in St. Paul, Minnesota (where my whole family was born, except for me...a Detroiter). Whenever we made our nearly-yearly trek to St. Paul to visit family, we ALWAYS spent a lot of time with Aunt Loraine's family. I was particularly close to Mary Pat, Aunt Loraine's youngest and near in age to me, and we would draw and play the afternoons away. I remember when Mary Pat and I got a wicked awful sunburn and Aunt Loraine knew just what to do to cure it.

Aunt Loraine knew how to make a dandy ham sandwich...always with pickles on the side.

I remember when my Ma broke her tooth on a frozen candy bar at Aunt Loraine's. Actually, we all had a hearty laugh over that.

Aunt Loraine, an only child, told me that my Ma was just like a sister to her.

I stayed with Aunt Loraine (and her husband, Uncle Bob, when he was alive) at her longtime home on Edmund Ave. whenever I was in St. Paul from the time I was a teenager and onward. In the '70s, I was with her when I interviewed to be a stewardess for Northwest Orient airlines (based in MN at the time). I didn't get the job (not "sophisticated" enough!) and continued my university degree instead. I visited Aunt Loraine when I attended Stitches in order to take a class with Nancy Bush (and ask Nancy to co-write/co-design an article for Spin-Off with me). When Aunt Loraine was still driving, she took me to my Ma's and Dad's old "haunts," including the "Nickle Joint," a bar where my parents met. She also took me to where her parents had lived. We visited my Aunt Addie when she was still alive. We hosted my Ma's cousin, Marie, with her little poodle, at Aunt Loraine's house. We visited many grave sites of family members, including my grandparents. I pored over Aunt Loraine's many photo albums of family/friends.

When my Ma and oldest brother, Jack, crossed over in the '90s, she flew in to be with us for the funerals, etc. She was the family's representative and ambassador.

Aunt Loraine and I became closest over the last 14 years. She was the only one who stood by and supported me and my decisions during an ongoing family health crisis. She always was available for a discussion, no matter when I called.

Aunt Loraine would send me fivers and tenners in the mail, "just because." She made it clear I was NOT to discuss this money even with her, and told me never to send it back.

Aunt Loraine taught me to "Let Go and Let God." She taught me "Image, Attitude, Wisdom, and Time." She had no time for the "I wants". God's will being done was the most important thing to her.

A few years ago I stayed with one of Aunt Loraine's daughters, Jan, when Aunt Loraine landed in the hospital and everyone thought her life might be over soon. Despite Aunt Loraine being very sick, we had our personal "talk" then. It was "our" special time.

A few weeks ago I had another amazing chat with Aunt Loraine. Amazing, because her congestive heart failure had been recently playing havoc with her powers of speech. On the day I called she was lucid and sounded nearly like her old self. I viewed our talk together as the gift that it was.

There is undoubtedly more. These were just some of the snippets in time. The blessing of having Aunt Loraine present throughout much of my life is golden...priceless.

I "talked" telepathically to Aunt Loraine several weeks ago and asked if she would send me clear signs when she crossed over. So far here is what has happened. Between 8 and 9 pm on the day she died, I was at my altar centering and grounding. At that point, I had no idea Aunt Loraine crossed over around 8 pm. I didn't learn this until the next morning. As I centered, I heard beautiful, indescribable, music playing in my ear (no one was home but me). I remember thinking, "Well, this must be the clairaudience I knew was coming." The next day, when I heard of Aunt Loraine's passing, I got a sense that the Angels were rejoicing that Aunt Loraine had come home.

Also, the day that Jan, Aunt Loraine's daughter, had called to say Aunt Loraine had broken her hip and was in hospital (the night before she died); I woke up with a start at 1:15 am and said out loud, "Aunt Loraine has died." I wrote this in my dream notebook. The next morning, Jan called and gave me the news that she did, indeed, die the evening prior.

Something tells me Aunt Loraine will give more loving signs. She's just that kind of beautiful soul.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Synchronicity

Yesterday I do believe I was in the midst of synchronicity. Merriam-Webster defines synchronicity as follows...
1 : the quality or fact of being synchronous (synchronous meaning that something is happening, existing, or arising at precisely the same time, among other similar definitions).
2 : the coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality —used especially in the psychology of C. G. Jung.

I also rather like a past post on "The Active Side Of Infinity" blog. Check it out: Synchronicity.

Yesterday I wanted to attend our evening spinning guild meeting that was going to be held at a local nursing home in Brattleboro. Since Chris was leaving for work in Massachusetts, the only way into town was on the Moo-ver bus in the morning. I happily spent the day reading and going here and there with my favorite librarian friend, Leslie. Because Chris wasn't going to be able to pick me up 'til around 10 pm at night, I was planning to wait either at a tea lounge or the Co-op until he arrived. The guild meeting ended at 8 pm, so that left me with two hours to wait. Did I check websites to see if the tea room or Co-op would be open 'til 10 pm? No. I wrongly assumed that one or t'other would meet my needs. Lo and behold, the tea lounge closed at 8 pm and the Co-op at 9 pm. Rats. I couldn't leave Brattleboro, because Chris doesn't carry a cell phone and I had no way to tell him I was doing anything but waiting at one of the two places where we agreed I'd wait.

Now I have some very special friends called the Lunar Ladies. Leslie is one of them and I assured her she could drop me off at the Co-op anyways and I would plunk myself on a bench outside until Chris arrived. Leslie looked dubious about this decision. Brattleboro isn't exactly a den of crime but a female hanging around a closed building at night wasn't a smart option. Being dropped off at the brewery...boozy watering hole that it is...was also not a good choice. Unfortunately, there wasn't much more to choose from in downtown Bratt at that time of night.

Now just as Leslie and I were driving around to see if there were any reasonable drop-off possibilities, two other Lunar Ladies, Elizabeth and Jenna, were about to carpool home from the guild meeting. Before leaving town for home, one of them got a "gut" feeling that I needed them. Just as we were making our way up Main Street, Leslie spied the other two Lunar Ladies in their car. Synchronicity. We stopped and much conferring went on. Even tho' I'm the oldest of the group, I felt about 12 as they decided what to do about me, but I was too tired to even worry much about this. The long and short of it is, I got in the car with Elizabeth. Jenna got in the car and headed home with Leslie, both of whom were exhausted and/or not feeling well. Now it was up to Elizabeth and I to find a place for me to wait in safety. I wondered aloud if the movie theater would mind me hanging out in their lobby? We decided it was worth a try, so I asked and was given the go-ahead. Off went Elizabeth.

I went in and the workers offered me a cushion to sit on, well away from the glass doors near the street. About 9:30 pm, even tho' I wasn't expecting Chris until 10 pm or after, I suddenly felt the urge to get up, gather my bags, and head to the glass doors. Just as I put my things down by the door, Chris drove by, spotted me, and backed up. Synchronicity, indeed.

One good friend, Lee, calls synchronicity "coinkydinks." Thank goodness for these incidences, whatever they're called!!! Too often we pass synchronicity off as inconsequential. However, if you consider and write up all the times you experience synchronicity, you might be amazed at the frequency that such happenings occur.

It would be great if you shared your coinkydinks. Consider putting them in the comment section, please. Thank you!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

A Bunch Of Dreams

Just finished reading "Second Sight," by Judith Orloff, M.D.. I can't say enough wonderful things about this book. I'm going to suggest highly that my Chris read it. It's that good. Among other things there's an excellent chapter on dreams entitled, "The Alchemy Of Dreams." Dr. Orloff goes on to explain the differences between psychological dreams, guidance dreams, precognitive dreams, and healing dreams. She also explains how important it is to keep a dream journal and calls such a personal record "a priceless archive." . In particular I like how Dr. Orloff explains that rather than jumping up out of bed each morning, remain still for awhile and retrieve your dreams. She writes, "Rest there for a while with your eyes shut. See what comes. The secret is to prolong what's known as the hypnogogic state, the period between seleep and waking. It's a magical time when you're consciously aware of your dream images but are still not quite alert." This keeps you from getting up so fast that your dreams are lost. Dr. Orloff goes on to say, "Images will form. Gently focus on them and watch where they take you. You don't have to force anything." She continues, "It's like watching the replay of a movie. You can actually see your dreams enacted all over again. The difference is that now you're actively witnessing them and can choose at any point to open your eyes and write them down."

Now for a smattering of recent dreams:
Asked before bed why I was having so many problems with a long-standing project I was involved with. The following dream was my answer...
10/24/09
Chloe, our black cat, was spread out flat on the branch of a tree. Blood was dripping down the tree from a wound she had. A snake was wrapped around her. End of dream.

10/25/09
Auditioned for a chance to be in a play/movie. I witnessed differing acting styles as others went for the part. Chris was waiting for me (looked like at the service desk at Walmart!). End of dream.

10/26/09
In a room full of people, Chris started to talk under his breath, "coaching" me on what to say. After we left I turned to him and told him never to do this again...that I was perfectly capable of speaking for myself. End of dream.

That same night, I woke up for a bit and as I was drifting back to sleep I saw this dream/vision:
Folks on a boat were partying. A jealous woman pushed another woman off the boat into the water "just for fun." The woman pushed over got caught in something and did not surface. I "felt" what she was going through. I felt her panic as she began to drown. End of dream.

10/27/09
I was a sales clerk in a hat and clothing store. A customer tried on many hats, including glass ones. The customer "took over," asking other customers if they'd like to see how South Africans put on sheer knee socks? I had some of these socks to try on, too, even tho' I was a clerk. The socks had interesting patterns running through them. The customer had us all lie down on the floor. I did so and was commended on doing a great job of following directions. The dream ended as the "take over" customer tried on a flimsy taupe tam, the size of a coffee can lid.

10/30/09
I was waiting for Chris at Greenfield Community College in Greenfield, MA. I was in the main lobby of a building our Alexander frequented for classes when he went to school there. I was on some bleachers, high in the air, spinning with a drop spindle. A lady, looking just like the sister of my friend, Jenna, was holding a walkie-talkie and was dressed in security-guard clothing. She kept asking how I was doing? She kept asking that same thing, and eventually she started to get impatient, clearly wanting to close the building and have me leave. I seemed to be the only one around. I told her I wasn't a student, but my husband was. I also told her our son, Alex, had been a student there. Impatient, she said she did need to close up for the night and I had to go. End of dream.

Interestingly, as I dreamt this, I was in Chris' arms, and found my hand rest on his tennis racquet-holding elbow, which sometimes gives him pain. I sent healing to the elbow joints as I was sleeping because I saw that the "cushioning" between the joints was dry and crackly, rather than being pliant and moist. And since my cheek rested on Chris' chest, I sent healing to his respiratory system, knowing he was fighting a cold.

11/2/09
I kept trying to light the candle in a ceramic diffuser that had no air holes (no oxygen). The candle refused to light. End of dream.