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Friday, November 11, 2011

Pondering Pneumonia

I've been considering how I'd write about the weeks that led up to my pneumonia, the days the pneumonia took center stage, and the weeks of on-going recuperation. Usually I can just tap out thoughts as I see/feel them. After all, I'm a self-prescribed, often-audacious spider, pretty much not afraid of standing up for what I am, what I believe in, and what I think about. But writing about these recent weeks gets a bit complicated when there are very personal situations to discuss, involving friends whose identity I'd rather not divulge because I know they'd prefer it that way. Well, here goes. Since writing is and has always been a form of therapy for me, I can only trust that whatever comes out will be for the highest and best good of all, including me.

Chris accused me of 'burning the candle at both ends,' especially in the months preceding the pneumonia that filled up my entire left lung. I'd have to agree. I make no excuses because I simply expected my body to know that it had to keep up with what I wanted to do. Such keeping up may have worked 40 years ago...30 years ago...20 years ago...even 10 years ago...but obviously not this time. Here's what I was doing for months: Getting up anywhere between 3-4 am to meditate, pray, and enjoy the quiet by reading the books I was hankering to inhale. Waiting for the call to substitute teach and getting ready when it came in. Or if I knew I was already scheduled to teach, eating breakfast and drinking a few cups of tea before I headed out the door. Then there was the day-job of sub teaching...not a job for the faint-hearted, but one I immensely like...gotta hand it to those kids...they keep a teacher like me on her toes. Once home I did breathing exercises, yoga, and always enjoyed taking walks with Chris, talking over whatever was on our minds. Eventually, I prepared for the evening's work of psychic mediumship readings and/or energy work/healings. Even as I type this schedule, it doesn't seem too grueling. My body obviously insisted otherwise.

On the Monday prior to the following Monday that found me in the hospital, I came home from work and said to Chris, "I don't feel very well." I uncharacteristically went to bed in the early hours of the evening. The next days which followed remain a blur. Severe flu symptoms wracked my body, including what turned out to be a full-blown sinus and ear infection. Perhaps you're wondering if I got myself to the doctor? Well, no. You see, people who don't have health insurance tend not to go to the doctor. Yes, we fall into the category of working adults, but having no benefits. Those who are not in this category haven't a clue what this is like. They haven't any idea what kind of decisions that people without health insurance find themselves making. Just as well, it would make the hair on their backs stand up. That said, things were so bad sickness-wise by Thursday, we did call the doctor. When that wasn't helpful, I had Chris call a friend whose advice I revere. She said to get to the hospital NOW. Which we did. Uh oh...wonder what the ER trip will cost?... By that time, I was so sick I didn't care.

I arrived at ER only to throw up. And throw up some more. They said my flu symptoms were severe. Yep, that they were. They started an IV to rehydrate me. They wanted to take a chest x-ray. I said, "No." Now that may sound ridiculous, but I somehow thought that an x-ray would be exorbitantly expensive. I obviously wasn't thinking clearly nor correctly. In my defense I can only say that folks without insurance make strange decisions, and Chris did not override me 'cause he, too, worried about not being able to pay the medical bills. The ER folks said, "OK," with regards to my no-x-ray-decision, and sent me on my way with a prescription for antibiotics and anti-nausea pills.

I did not get better. I got much worse. SCARY WORSE. I could barely walk. I could barely make it to the bathroom. "Why weren't the antibiotics working?", was all I could think. By Monday, Chris had to get to one of the schools he teaches at in order to prepare for that week's classes, taking him away from me for a few hours. Whilst in bed I heard the phone ring in the other room. I couldn't get up to answer it. I heard messages being recorded from two friends of mine. Both are incredible psychic mediums. I do not want to say who they are because this is very private to all concerned. I will call them Medium #1 and Medium #2, labeled in the order they called me. Medium #1 said that she saw I would be in an EMS vehicle, with oxygen and an IV attached to me. I said out loud in response to the message coming from the other room, "Yes, yes. I have to wait 'til Chris gets home." Soon after, a message from Medium #2 came in. She said I needed to be in the hospital right away. Again, I said out loud that I have to wait for Chris. Some time passed. I had to make it to the bathroom even if I had to crawl. The phone rang again. This time I answered. It was another friend who we'll call Medium #3. She said, "I want you to hang up and call 911 right now." I asked her what she saw. She said never mind what she saw, I was to hang up immediately and call 911. I argued. She wouldn't take no for an answer. In fact, when I called 911, she was calling 911 to make sure I called and she lives in the Midwest, not in VT where I am at. I had to make my way downstairs to open the doors for EMS. How I got down there, I still have no idea. Medium #3 called back and kept talking to me until EMS arrived. I have hardly any memory of what I said to her. I do know I rocked and rocked my body as I sat on the lower step of the stairs, head in hand. As EMS was getting ready to take me away, Chris arrived home. He followed us to the hospital. Exactly what Medium #1 said came true. They slapped oxygen on me and they started an IV immediately as I lay in the EMS truck.

I remember saying to the folks in ER, I have no idea how we're going to pay for any of this. I remember telling anyone within earshot that we have no health insurance. Hours later I was admitted to the hospital, pneumonia being the diagnosis. I spent nearly a week there, being visited regularly by the wonderful respiratory therapy staff and many compassionate, caring nurses, doctors, etc. Once home, I unfortunately had a horrible reaction to the oral antibiotics I had to take. This landed me back in ER 5 days later. Note that I had been in ER 3 separate times during this whole ordeal...and this from someone who hadn't been in a hospital in many a year.

Medium #1 AND Medium #3 later said that if EMS had not come when they did, Chris would have found me dead. It was that much of a close call. I was in respiratory distress, fast heading towards respiratory failure. On talking to Medium #1 and 3, we KNEW that this experience was one of my 'exit' points, decided upon by my Spirit, in conjunction with my Guides and Angels, in-between lives. I do remember that I did have dreams/visions involving Angels that made this clear. I know I kept saying "No" when asked if I wanted to go "Home." I kept telling them that I had things I needed to do on Earth. I love my life. I love my husband, children, friends, school, and my work as a psychic medium and fiber artist. No, thank you very much, but I'd like to stay and see this lifetime out, please.

Now that said, I somehow never totally consciously realized I was on the brink of actually dying. I know that this sounds contradictory to what I wrote in the paragraph above, but I truly didn't think I was dying. Funny, but when I had a near death experience when my oldest son was born, I didn't realize I was dying then, either...until Hungarian Lady came and spoke to me (please see the past post, The Hungarian Lady). Interesting.

Another thing that's been discussed with a friend...let's call her the Herbalist...is that all physical illnesses have their association with mental causes, and as such there are metaphysical ways to overcome them. The book that came to mind when the Herbalist and I were discussing this was none other than Louise Hay's classic, ground-breaking, "Heal Your Body." About pneumonia Louise writes of the mental cause: "Desperate. Tired of life. Emotional wounds that are not allowed to heal." She gives as an affirmation to heal pneumonia: "I freely take in Divine ideas that are filled with the breath and the intelligence of Life. This is a new moment." Also, regarding lung issues, the mental cause is listed as, "Depression. Grief. Fear of taking in life. Not feeling worthy of living life fully." The affirmation Louise gives to heal lung issues is: "I have the capacity to take in the fullness of life. I lovingly live life to the fullest." The Herbalist pointed out an indisputable fact that I had experienced EXTREME grief, especially regarding various people and situations I had encountered as I worked on a major writing project that took me 5 years to complete. Over this past year I knew I was healing VERY slowly emotionally, but my body didn't lie that I hadn't totally rid myself of the sadness, bitterness, and trauma associated with what I had experienced in the past 5 years and tucked away ever so deeply. Whenever I'd get sad or depressed over what had happened (not to mention what was still happening regarding the book project, if one can believe that!), I'd immerse myself further into my school work and psychic mediumship work, learning all I could about that which is spiritual...for THAT gave me total joy. Unfortunately this joy couldn't take away that which I had hidden inside my body and not totally got rid of. The result for me was the physical ailment known as pneumonia. When push comes to shove, I can now see that the emotional suffering over the book truly did nearly kill me. Never will I again underestimate the power of emotions held within one's being...both those that are positive, as well as those that are negative. I trust that the happy ending to this story is that after I totally recover from my physical illness, I'll be done with the grief that, until now, I couldn't seem to let go. Knowledge and acknowledgment is a big step on the road to wisdom.

Now as for our medical bills, Chris and I have "Let go, Let God." We know that whatever happens is for our highest and best in the long run.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles." ~ Willa Cather

22 comments:

  1. What an ordeal, Jenny! Take your time recovering. Sending you loving blessings.

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  2. Thank you so much, Nancy! Additional thanks for sending your thoughtful e-card. It's lovely to know one is thought of fondly. Much appreciated!
    Blessings of Light right back at'cha,
    Jenny

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  3. GOSH! I am glad your friends called and insisted you get help. I am glad you are on your way to full health again. I so relate to you when you talk about hospital visits. It took my appendix to rupture before I went to the ER in June. That 'hospital-anxiety"--read, 'bill' anxiety is very real to me and to all of those 'insurance-challenged" Americans. Here where I work, people come in with the most minor of complaints, having taken off a full day of work for it! I have never been in this situation in my life, but boy, there must be some lesson here, right?? Thanks Jenny, for writing it down so well, and for getting well!!

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  4. Hi Anonymous! Thanks so much for commenting and for all your lovely thoughts and words. I'm so glad you are now doing well and are all healed after your very scary appendix nightmare. I've been seeing folks on FB post how America is one of the places where working people are afraid of their medical bills. So true. So sad. So doesn't need to be this way.

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  5. Dear Rev. Jeannine, I would like to say thanks to you from having written this beautiful experience of yours which is both profound and honest. It has come in a moment of my life were I am lying in my bed letting the emotions flow. Thanks! I also write, am a teacher and a healer. SINCHRONICITY::.God´s hand! <3 Sending mucho love and healing all over <3

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  6. Hello Anonymous! Thank you so very much for stopping by the blog and commenting. I'm happy that my tappings have resonated with you. In Love and Light, Jenny

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  7. I was googling Walking Pnuemonia Louise Hays when I happened upon your blog. I have a degree in Fine Art(Creative Writing/3d) and Holistic Health (Massage Therapist). We have allot in common. I had a cold that morphed into walking pnuemonia. I am absolutely and profoundly exhausted. Some mild forms of walking Pnuemonia clear up on their own. I believe mine is. I grew up in New England. I live in the Southwest now for many years. Love your blog and I will continue to read. Thanks.

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  8. I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying my tappings. Thank you for letting me know. It's wonderful that your walking pneumonia is clearing up. May it continue to leave quickly and completely. Bright Blessings!

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  9. Thank you for sharing this, I know this is from a few years ago, it is very applicable to what I am currently working through in my own life. Thank you again for sharing your experience!!

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  10. Thanks for shedding some light on pneumonia and its metaphysical meaning. I went through almost the exact same scenario three years ago. Since that time, I have had it four more times, with right now being one of them. I am trying to connect the dots, but I have a hard time getting out of my head and into my heart. My childhood was a nightmare (there isn't enough time or paper to explain that mess), but suffice it to say, I am the first in my family to end the cycle of abuse and violence. I worked very hard to get my education degree in English. I loved teaching, but I ignored my body, and I paid dearly for it. My BS and MS degree certificates are somewhere in a drawer, and I am unable to teach because of a disability. I really want to figure out how to fill the hole in my soul. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why I chose this, but I am still journeying through this schoolhouse we call life. Thank you for sharing your journey. I can't wait to read more about it as I continue to grow and learn in mine. If you hadn't gifted others with your experience, I might never have gained the insight I did today. Happy 4th of July! There must be a message in there somewhere!! ��

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  11. Dear cocobebe3, Thank you for your comments. I'm so very sorry regarding the ongoing issues with pneumonia that you are experiencing. Understanding what is happening and why are the first steps towards healing. You're already on your way towards moving positively forward, leaving pneumonia in the dust behind you. I did finally end up going for professional therapy for a few months. That helped immensely, especially since I chose a wonderful holistic psychotherapist who let me pay my fees on a sliding scale. It truly didn't take long to get to the bottom of things. May healing Love and Light surround and comfort you. Blessings, Jenny

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  12. Thank you for sharing your healing story. My pneumonia has lingered for many months and has caused much distress to my breathing. I wish to understand the spiritual meaning beneath and heal my illness. Thank you

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  13. Thank you for your comment, Yes Man. I'm so very sorry that you're experiencing the breathing distress associated with pneumonia. May healing Love and Light surround and comfort you. May the symptoms of your dis-ease be alleviated and may you return to full health. Bright Blessings, Jenny

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  14. Thank you for your post and inspiration - to let my emotions flow....

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  15. You're very welcome, Linda. I'm glad you found the post helpful. Blessings Always, Jenny

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    1. Thank you I really needed this

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    2. You're most welcome, Lynn. May healing Love and Light surround, comfort and protect you. Bright Blessings, Jenny

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  16. It all makes sense now. Since I am going through the process of healing from childhood sexual abuse, and a breakup from a narcissist there are so many unhealed wounds. The pain of all of this is overwhelming at times. I was so happy that up until now there had been no physical signs of my lifetime of traumas. So now it comes out because I need to face my fears and go to the places I resistance against. Thank you for your insight.

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  17. You're very welcome, Anonymous. Bright Blessings as you move positively forward towards complete health, healing, and well-being. Hugs, Jenny

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