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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Finishing

When I'm feeling down and find that I'm scolding my own self for procrastinating, or being slow, or being simply scattered, it's important to remind myself that in my life I've finished plenty of things. Just from a school standpoint, I got through Catholic grade school, graduated from a Catholic high school, and have been proud of my hard-earned art education degree from a Catholic university. Tucked in those years was even an awarded certificate in dental assisting, no less. During my formal education, plenty of papers and projects were completed, and lots of tests were tackled, sometimes all on the same day! 

Job-wise, I've tasted quite a few different jobs; beginning them and ultimately finishing with them either because we moved or by honestly allowing myself to acknowledge that the job wasn't something I wanted to do for any long period of time. There were the occasions that I realized this after one day of working at a place, so in those cases the finishing came on the same day I started. So be it. I somehow always knew that I was not going to be someone who would work at the same place for 30+ years or more, not that I didn't admire folks who did. No need to beat myself up about it. I just need to accept that this has been so.

Personal projects that were finished may have been spun, knitted, and dyed, for the fiber arts have played a big part in my adult years. Or back in my university days they may have been in the form of a completed drawing or painting. For many years some personal projects were in the form of writing, just as they often are presently, be it an article for a magazine, a chapter in another author's or editor's book...even unto completing my own book more than a year ago.

As a kid it was drilled into me not to get too big of a head over anything I accomplished. In fact, I distinctly got the feeling that much of what I did was 'no big deal' at all to those that mattered most to me. (Even worse was to literally hear the sarcastic remark, "Big deal." Such an awful, degrading thing to say to someone.) Sadly, I think this can have a tendency to unfortunately result in a person never being proud of anything that is finished; never being satisfied with themselves. They never get the feeling that they're ever good enough. But thankfully for the most part I realized early on that it's not egotistical at all to pat your own back that you are capable and excellent at finishing things. It's lovely to celebrate a job well done even if those around you don't join in your enthusiasm. I'm still working at doing this healthily but perhaps I will always have to guard against others bringing me down. A wonderful, recent quote I came upon is:  

"Don't let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours." 
~ Author Unknown. 
     
 I sometimes tease that as a Sagittarius Sun with Aquarius Rising, it's a darn good thing I have a Capricorn Moon or I may not have ever finished anything at all. Without that grounded Moon, I may have been content with shooting my esoteric arrows every which way, never worrying about where they fell and certainly not being concerned with carrying through anything at all, nor caring about any lessons learned. But I have found profound growth CAN be gained by finishing what has been started, and conversely by at least acknowledging that some things are better off not finished at all!

Speaking of finishing, I can now see the finish line towards full ordination, full metaphysical certification, and graduation at FOTS. One of my required essays has already been presented and handed in the last time I was at school. My required service project and the project's accompanying paper have recently been completed, as well as a final essay on prayer beads...both of which will be presented when I go to school in February. All of my readings required for graduation were done quite awhile ago (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE facilitating readings). All that's left are 10 healings to facilitate, meaning that 60 are already completed for the year. If you're reading this post and would like to receive one of these distance healings for no charge, e-mail me at spinningjenny57@hotmail.com. Once I have facilitated all that I need for school, I'll note it here on this post. Thank you, for helping me to finish!!! Much appreciated!

Note: All of my distance healing homework for school is now completed. Thanks so much for your help. 

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?

I am reading a book, "Will I Ever Be Good Enough - Healing The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers," by Karyl McBride, PhD. This book may be one of the most important books that I've ever read. If you can relate to the title in any way, I strongly urge you to get yourself your own personal copy. I say this because I'm not usually one to write in books, but this book's side margins are being filled with notes from my life.

And if in reading the book you find yourself crying your eyes out, you may want to get in touch with a therapist. I did. Recovery is possible. I know, because my recovery has already begun.



Saturday, January 14, 2012

What's In A Name?

On the weekend that I wasn't able to attend school (Fellowships Of The Spirit - FOTS) back in November, my class learned, among many other things, the importance of one's name. I know this because I was able to view the DVDs of the weekend's worth of classes at a later date. Our name may be one of the most important things we own. Whether you stick with what you were named by your parents...or go by a nickname...or whether you've changed either your first name, last name, or both...your name is incredibly meaningful and significant.

I learned that how you say your name is crucial, as well. For instance, if you pronounce your name one way and a person says your name and totally pronounces it in an entirely different way, or puts emphasis on a different syllable(s) than you do, there's a chance that it'll feel to you like fingernails screeching as they travel down the face of a chalkboard. And what about someone who knows your nickname, but assumes your full name is something else, and gets it totally wrong? Eeeeeesh. This is what happens to me when folks figure my name is Jennifer because I go by the nickname, Jenny. I think Jennifer is a very pretty name. It just doesn't happen to be my name.

To demonstrate how important a name is, I'll relay a story straight out of my university days. After a semester of living at home, I found a way to move into the dorms. When a gal who had a room kitty-corner to me asked me my name, I found myself hesitating a moment. Here was my chance to proclaim control of my own life. I blurted out, "Jenny." I had never used that nickname before this. But I was having control issues with my Ma at that time, and it seemed the perfect way to state my independence. I also figured it would mightily bother my Ma...which it did...and which, at the time, I didn't mind one bit. I actually love my full name, Jeannine Marie Antoinette, but it was thought of to be decidedly rather snooty-sounding by some friends of mine and they kept giving me nicknames I didn't like. So Jenny I am. And Jeannine I'll go by, as well, especially in-print. And some folks like to call me Jen, Chris included.

Another thing to consider is who, if anyone, were you named for? I know my Ma had a younger sister that died as a baby and her name was Jeanette. I also know that Ma's best friend, Ann, had a baby named Jeannine. Ma always said that Ann went to live in another state, so she felt the name was up for grabs. Ma also said that the spelling of my name came from France, tho' I don't believe we have a French bone in our bodies. I do know that Ma had considered naming me Debbie or Rita...both fine names but it's hard to picture myself going by either one of them. Oh...almost forgot to mention that a huge reason for their choice of calling me Jeannine had to do with both Ma and Dad liking the old tune, "Jeannine, I Dream of Lilac Time."     

One of my own personal pet peeves is when someone does not care enough to use a salutation at the beginning of a letter or e-mail and include my name in that greeting. No problem if they don't know my name, but if it's right there in my letter to them from me, what's up with that? 'course this isn't an issue when I know a person really well or if we've got an ongoing conversation going back and forth. But otherwise, I always wonder what the person really thinks of me when they don't even say hello and include my name. Hmmm.

I know that I don't want to be just another person. I know that I don't want to be considered just another number on a page or another body standing in a line. I have a feeling most folks feel the same way. Let's consider honoring each other, and as we do so, let's do our best to honor each others' names. It'll put smiles all around!  

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Changing One's Mind

Throughout our lives we make MANY decisions and are faced with MANY choices. There are times when there are possibilities before us and we must choose, or perhaps we simply feel inclined to choose. Sometimes we're standing at a fork in the road and in order to stay on a path, we trot off one way or the other. There are times we venture off the beat and track, where it appears that no path has yet been made and, then, it is us who are the pioneers...well, at least as far as we know we're pioneers...  In any case, these decisions we make definitely affect our lives, hopefully for the good, but now and then it feels the opposite is true. And often it's not just our own lives that are affected by our choices. Sometimes the harvest or repercussions of our choices are immediate, though often their full effect doesn't show up 'til down the line. Either way, the decisions we make are felt, at some point or another, in our lives and in that of others.

When I ponder how MANY decisions I've made in my lifetime, it boggles my mind. If one is a fearful person, the thought of how often a decision made could go wrong may certainly stop that person dead in their tracks from making any decisions at all. But if no choices are made and if decisions are not reached time and time again, chances are life isn't lived fully and would get very stale, very fast. And let's face it, making no decision IS a decision in and of itself, sometimes at the expense of giving your own power away.

On thinking about career choices I've made... No, let's back up and consider the major I picked once I got to university... In the 1970's I was standing in the office of the Dean of Students, ready to sign up for a curriculum that would lead to the 'stable' job of dental hygienist. This wise Dean of a man asked me if I liked working with patients as a dental assistant? I had shown him my transcripts boasting a certificate in dental assisting from a community college. Why, no! I hated staring in people's mouths, dealing with their oft' mucky teeth. Decision made. How could I have even conceived of doing more of this type of work for a living? Well, because I knew I'd be able to have a respectable income with such a job. I knew I'd be safe. Never mind that I would have been miserable and safe.  I instead chose art to study at university. My Dad shook his head in dismay. He asked, "How can one make a living in art?" So I tacked on the education component for a K-12 teaching certification. This served me well in rather unorthodox ways since I spent a big chunk of my life teaching and writing about fiber arts, and other parts of my life substitute teaching in various school systems. On looking back...good decision!

Speaking of jobs, there have been times when I've had to stay in a position I disliked for at least awhile because to leave would leave bills unpaid and people in my family hungry and/or without shelter. Good choice to stick it out, given the alternative. But when in such situations, I always choose to be pro-active and trust I'll find something better, preferably something that makes my soul sing...or at least hum a nice tune. Staying in icky situations for too long, jobs and otherwise, is never something that's good for me...physically, mentally, and emotionally. And let's face it, when I'm miserable those around me aren't having the best of times either.

We all have the right to change one's mind, or at least I'd like to think so. If something is not quite right, then hopefully the way is clear to change it in some way, shape, or form...if not right away, then asap. The LAST thing I would want to be saddled with is a choice that doesn't work for me anymore.

Here's a recent decision that I've made which actually surprised me. I have been interested in Past Life Regression Therapy and Life Between Lives Regression Therapy for some time now; years, actually. I even did a paper for school (Fellowships Of The Spirit - FOTS) on these two types of therapy. I researched the topics, fully expecting to be smitten with them both, wanting to go forward towards becoming a therapist myself. About 3/4 through working on the paper, it became crystal clear that this was not the path for me. I KNEW I didn't want to sit in an office for several hours (often 3 - 4 hours) with just one client at a time. At least not now. No one could have been more surprised than me by this revelation. And the amazing thing is, what I realized that I really needed to be doing in addition to facilitating Psychic Mediumship and Tarot readings...which, btw, I LOVE to do...was to get serious about doing the necessary study towards becoming an Astrologer. And so, even before school ends this coming June, I have started daily reading and studying towards this goal.

Was Chris surprised over my change of mind? No, he just smiled. It is nice to be with someone who doesn't mind when I change my mind.

"If you never change your mind, why have one?"
~ Edward de Bono (Maltese Psychologist and Writer, Leading Authority in Field of Creative Thinking)