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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Feeling Trapped

A few weeks ago a longtime psychic medium gave me a phone reading. The reading was profound on many levels but it really hit-the-target when a past life revealed that I had been in a gypsy family which prevented me from being able to physically leave the confines imposed by the family members, and thus I was not allowed to fully live my own life. After the reading I began pondering how this past life situation has played out in my current life. The bottom line? It's played out in a BIG way. I chatted about this with a good friend of mine and she, too, was blown away by the importance of how feeling trapped has surfaced in my life.

One big example of how I've reacted to feeling trapped in the past showed up when my Ma was so advanced in Alzheimer's that she could no longer live in her own place, nor could she remain even in an assisted living facility. My brothers and I were faced with the fact that Ma was going to need the full-time care of a nursing home. This all occurred when Chris and I were living in Middletown, Connecticut with our two boys. One son was 8 years old and the other son was going on 15 years old.The older child was experiencing major health issues (that are ongoing to this day) and the younger was not having the best of times in 2nd grade. Chris was knee deep in a Master's Degree program and working every odd job Wesleyan University could give him. I was working in an administrative office at the same university. We needed every penny that Chris and I made in order to financially stay afloat.

I flew to Michigan, where my Ma and two brothers lived at the time, to see what I could do to help find the right place for Ma to reside. A few weeks went by and lots of difficult pavement-pounding and conversations occurred. Ma had very little money and trying to find the best facility under such circumstances was nothing short of a lesson in frustration. Chris called me more than once and said that I was needed at home. I could totally understand him wanting me home, but my plea to leave Michigan and fly home to Connecticut fell on deaf ears, specifically with one brother. I cannot drive myself due to my inability to cope with little-to-no-depth-perception, so renting a car was out. Even contemplating hiring a cab to get me to the airport made me nervous, wondering if I had enough cash on me to even afford such an idea. Finally, I was allowed to leave. ALLOWED TO LEAVE! This feels absurd for a grown woman to even write let alone experience. Once on the plane, I vowed to myself to never, ever get myself in such a trapped predicament again. This serious vow has kept me from ever visiting my brother (the other brother crossed over in '98) at his home, especially by myself. Sad. 

As I discussed my gypsy past life with my friend, we noticed how over the years I've never felt comfortable staying in any one place too long. Even with this lovely house-in-the-woods I've lived in for some time now, I always have talked of moving...somewhere...anywhere. I have finally realized that I have hardly allowed myself to fully savor this sweet home over the years we've been here. No more! Knowing about a past life can shed an amazing light on how one acts in their current life. One thing I'm going to aim for is to truly appreciate the moment; the NOW! I'm going to allow myself to enjoy where I live, and realize that I'm not trapped anymore. I can stay put if I so choose and not feel unsafe for doing so. If we want to move it'll be because it's a positive, forward movement, not just because we're feeling antsy. I can make choices to stay out of situations and away from people that take away my freedom. I can plant a garden and plan on enjoying the fruits of my labor. I can put up curtains that I have chosen! And that's just what I've done this spring!!! I've put up white, lacy curtains...a symbol that we love this home we live in, this life we have made. Nice.

4 comments:

  1. A truly profound post today, Jenny. I had to take a deep breath after I read it. Thank you. Love and many blessings.

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  2. Thank you, dear Nancy. I so appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to let me know my tappings are meaningful to you. Hugs! Many blessings for you and your family.

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  3. Hi Jenny -- wow, when were you at Wesleyan? I was a grad student in biology there from 1983-1987. I got an MA in Biology and a teaching certificate... also, a husband! His is a PhD in Molecular Biology and Biochem.

    I have had so many of these small world experiences lately; do you have any inkling as to the significance of these sorts of events?

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  4. Hi Miranda,
    We were at Wesleyan University from 1993-1995. We lived in Wesleyan housing on Fairview Ave. at that time. Very cool that you and your husband went there, too!

    Now as for the "small world experiences," do explain more, please. All I know is that there's no mistakes! A friend of mine calls such synchronicity "coinkydinks!" If such incidences have been showing up a lot of late, there's reasons!

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